The Only True Dead Man
by Hrwin
Summary: Set from the beginning of the last book with some changes that should become clear at some point. Written trying to imitate Landy's style. Feedback is very welcome. First ever fanfic.
1. Gyle Finch

Gyle Finch was pretty sure there had been no one else in the room with him when he'd fallen asleep. He definitely knew there had been no one standing over him whilst he'd been falling asleep. So, the sudden appearance of not one, but two people leaning over him upon his return to consciousness was a shock to say the least.

"Ah, he's awake" one of the shapes said happily, in a voice made of velvet "I was hoping he'd do that"

A lamp came to life, and Finch got his first look at the two intruders. One was a girl, probably around 18, with dark hair, dark eyes and dark clothes. The other was a thin man in an impeccably tailored suit, with a hat on his head, a gun in his hand and no skin on his face. Finch knew who the man was. He knew who the girl was too. Hell, he even knew why they were in his house. The knowledge didn't make him any less uneasy.

The girl frowned at the man in the suit. "What do you mean you were hoping he'd wake up? It's not like he had much of a choice"

"He could have killed himself in his sleep" replied the man cheerfully "Then he would have managed to spite us from the afterlife, albeit at an extreme price, but can you really put a price on a good spiting? He would also miss out on all the threatening we're going to be doing, which surprisingly isn't as much fun for the person on the receiving end"

The girl's frown deepened. "But why would he kill himself just to stop us from threatening him? How would he have known we were even here, we broke in whilst he was asleep? How would he even manage to kill himself whilst unconscious?"

"Some people are remarkably crafty and amazingly stubborn, Valkyrie"

Valkyrie's frown somehow managed to deepen further. "You didn't answer any of my questions"

"Very observant, my young combat accessory" replied the man pleasantly "I might still make a detective out of you yet"

Finch swung his legs over the side of the bed, so that he was now sitting up, looking directly at the peculiar duo. "What do you two _want?_ " he asked ill temperedly. His voice wavered slightly when the thin man repositioned the gun in his left hand so that it was now pointing straight at the sweaty, unshaven man.

Valkyrie focused her frown on Finch. The thin man paused for moment.

"You know why we're here Mr. Finch" the thin man said in a quiet voice.

Finch went pale.

"You helped someone get a new identity, a fresh start" the man continued "A man who deserves nothing more than a bullet between his eyes. A man that killed two very dear friends of mine"

The man leaned in, so that his face was mere centimeters from Finch's. The lamplight reflected off of his skull, making him look ghastly.

"You're going to tell me where I can find Erskine Ravel" said Skulduggery Pleasant.

Finch stood hastily, his open palms facing outwards in a useless attempt to convey truthfulness. "I have no idea where he is, I swear. I just sent him on his way"

"Mr. Finch" Skulduggery began, then he hesitated, and began again "Curious name: Finch. I used to know a man by the same name. He had always loved Finches; he thought they were lovely birds. He lived right here, in Dublin. He never could bear the cold temperatures though, so he flew to Cameroon, and settled down there. I like to think he was happy. He copied the instinct of his namesake. This man is long dead. I'm telling you all this because, much like the Finch, and this man I once knew, the Sparrow flies south for the winter"

Skulduggery went low. His fist planted itself in Finch's abdomen. Finch doubled over as all the air left his body. It was in that instant that Valkyrie's knee connected with his forehead, and he crumpled to floor like a sack of meat.

Valkyrie rubbed her knee absent-mindedly. "What do we do now?" she asked.

Skulduggery holstered his gun, took his hat off and carefully brushed off some imaginary lint. "We take him back to the Sanctuary, and see what the psychics can get out of him" he replied unhurriedly.

Valkyrie frowned once more. "I meant what do we do with his body right now"

"Ah" said Skulduggery Pleasant whilst he attentively repositioned his hat back on his skull "I walk out triumphantly while you carry him down to the car"

With that said, he gracefully turned and walked out of the room, oblivious to the glare Valkyrie gave the back of his skull.


	2. Return to Roarhaven

Valkyrie sat in the Bentley and rubbed her knee. The dull ache had spread from where her knee had connected with Gyle Finch's face and now reverberated through her entire body, pulsing in time with the headache dancing behind her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to go home. But her reflection, no- Stephanie had the Sceptre, and she wouldn't hesitate to defend what she had claimed as hers. Valkyrie couldn't wait to take the Sceptre off of her and beat her with it.

Skulduggery was whistling happily as he drove towards Roarhaven. The face he wore was tanned and attractive. Skulduggery's whole existence revolved around the extraordinary, yet even the magic that held him together followed certain rules. Not even the great Skeleton Detective could whistle without lips. So every time he had the urge to break into song using nothing but his lips, his hand would creep down his collar and tap the hidden symbols carved there.

Valkyrie remembered a time when Skulduggery's façade could only be used when absolutely necessary. They had come a long way since then, or perhaps Skulduggery simply had a different view than Valkyrie on exactly how absolutely necessary whistling was.

"We've come a long way" said Skulduggery, eerily echoing Valkyrie's earlier thought.

"That's just what I was thinking," Valkyrie cut in "And I know it's cheesy, and I promise that this is a one time thing, and after this I'll return to my non-sentimental self, but I just wanted to say thanks to you, Skulduggery. For, you know, sticking with me through all of the Darquesse stuff. So, thanks I guess"

Skulduggery didn't respond for a moment as he tapped his façade symbols. The handsome face he'd been wearing melted away.

"I meant we've come a long way towards Roarhaven today," Skulduggery finally replied, "We might need to stop for petrol soon"

Valkyrie stared at her skeleton partner, mortified.

"But it was very kind of you to thank me" continued Skulduggery "I could definitely get used it. Maybe throw in some compliments next time"

Valkyrie crossed her arms and looked out the window at the scenery rushing past her window. "I hate you" she replied.

"Think of this as a lesson. Next time you won't interrupt me as promptly. One more thing to thank me for, if you think about it"

"I hate you" Valkyrie repeated adamantly.

Skulduggery hesitated. "Are you sulking now?"

"Yes"

"Splendid" he replied as he tapped his façade symbols and resumed whistling.

Roarhaven was a young city. It was no longer a small town next to a dead lake. It had spires that spiraled and towers that twinkled in the soft afternoon light. The Sanctuary no longer squatted in the middle of the town like a toad too old and stupid to move on to somewhere nicer. The new Sanctuary didn't look like a toad anymore to Valkyrie; in fact, it didn't look like an animal at all. The new Sanctuary was, by all definitions of the word, a palace. Designed as the first magical capital city, the architects of New Roarhaven had expected a mass influx of sorcerers wanting to live in this new city. Much like the dreams of the Roarhaven mages, the city was big, empty and ruined.

The Warlock attack had carved away large chunks of the landscape, not to mention a large chunk of the population. Valkyrie didn't like the new city. It had seen too much bloodshed in its short life. In all honesty, she hadn't been a fan of Roarhaven before its transformation either. It now took the Bentley eight minutes from the gate that shielded the city from mortal eyes to the Sanctuary's door. They went down a ramp and parked underground. They took a brightly lit lift to the lobby, where the Administrator almost immediately intercepted them. Tipstaff greeted them and with a disapproving glance at the unconscious man over Valkyrie's shoulder told them that the Grand Mage expected them immediately.

"She's not happy," Tipstaff added as the duo began to walk away "I just thought you should know"

Neither of them turned around or stopped walking.

They dropped Finch off at the Medical Bay and only managed to continue on their way after promising Doctor Synecdoche that they wouldn't drop off any more unconscious people for a day. The battle with the Warlocks was over, but many sorcerers were still battling for their lives in the Medical Bay. Valkyrie walked away from the sounds of people dying with a heavy heart, anger in her veins and revenge on her mind.

Grand Mage China Sorrows was not happy. She sat in what could only be called a throne room – her throne room. The black cleaver stood behind her. Scythe sheathed, but easily accessible in a moments notice. As Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked in, China allowed herself a small frown. She was not looking forward to the upcoming conversation. Of all people, she thought to herself, she could understand their need for revenge better than most. Her own personal revenge scheme was already in motion, but she was Grand Mage and thus she got certain privileges that her subordinates simply weren't allowed. No matter how much she might like the particular subordinates.

Her hands settled in her lap. She was wearing a dark blue sleeveless top and black trousers and boots. Not even the might of Tipstaff's passion for proper procedure had been enough to make China wear those dreadful Elder robes.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery stopped at a respectful distance from the throne and waited patiently.

"I was not aware that Mr. Gyle Finch was an Accelerated mage," China began dryly "I offer my sincere congratulations to both of you for following my orders perfectly"

"China," Valkyrie said before Skulduggery had a chance "you know how important this is to us" In a lower voice "he needs to pay"

China's face softened. She really did like these two. "I know, my dear," China stood up gracefully and walked towards the two "but revenge can come after we deal with the dozen or so insane super-powered sorcerers that are currently roaming freely. Besides I am Grand Mage and I expect everyone to obey me. It gives me a fuzzy feeling. You wouldn't want me to not feel fuzzy, right?"

Her voice had turned playful and she directed the question at Skulduggery.

"We're keeping our ears to the ground in case anything comes up," Skulduggery replied ignoring her question "but the Monster Hunters, Vex and Saracen have got it covered"

"Then focus your attention on Darquesse," China said waving her hand in the air dismissively "I'm assuming you have no further information on her?"

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. He simply shook his head.

"Well then," China continued, "after all the current disasters have been averted you may go hunt down the traitor with the full power of the Irish Sanctuary at your disposable and my personal blessing. Do we have an understanding?"

Without waiting for an answer she continued, "Now go, I have important people to talk to and far more original matters to attend to than you two not following orders"

With a sly smile on her lips and a final wave of her hand, the meeting with the Grand Mage came to an end.

As they walked out of the Room of Prisms, Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie.

"You run ahead to the car, I'll check on Finch and see if I can squeeze any information out of him. I wouldn't you getting sentimental again and thanking me in front of him. It'd be embarrassing"

Valkyrie scowled as she caught the keys Skulduggery chucked at her and walked down the brightly lit corridor towards the lifts that'd take her to the parking level.

Valkyrie waited impatiently in the Bentley for what the irrational side of her brain considered to be an eternity, but what her rational side knew to be no more than twenty-five minutes. The garage, much like the city above it, was brightly lit, huge and empty. There were only a few other cars sparsely spread out.

When Skulduggery finally slid into his seat and started the engine with the keys Valkyrie had wordlessly given him, he turned to her.

"Ravel is still in the country"

"I assume we're not going to follow China's instructions, then?" she replied

"Not in the slightest"

Valkyrie smiled.


	3. Ravel

The motel sat slouched beside the motorway like an abandoned dog. Unlike an abandoned dog though, a little bit of love would do the motel no good. The neon sign that tackily announced its service was missing several letters, and the stairs that lead up to the not so solid looking wooden door had seen better days. The motel, also unlike an abandoned dog, had a murderer living inside of it.

Skulduggery parked the Bentley a short walk away, and both he and Valkyrie got out. Skulduggery drew his gun and started up the creaking stairs, manipulating the air so that the creaking wouldn't be heard by anyone inside. Valkyrie followed close behind, concentrating a lot harder on her air manipulation. As Skulduggery reached the sixth step he stopped, tilting his head as he examined the almost invisible symbol sketched in the middle of the seventh step. Skulduggery gestured towards Valkyrie. She expanded her control over the air to include her partner as well as herself.

"Can you deactivate it?" Valkyrie asked, keeping her voice low.

"Shouldn't be a problem," Skulduggery replied "you know, we wouldn't have to keep our voices low if you'd practiced manipulating the air to do anything other than throw people through the air"

Valkyrie grinned as Skulduggery softly clicked his fingers and produced a small flame in his hands. He concentrated until the flame was flickering above his right index finger. Valkyrie could feel him pour his magic into the small flame until it was white hot. Moving slowly, he gently pressed the flame against the top tip of the symbol. The symbol flashed blue once and went the same colour as charcoal. Valkyrie released the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding as Skulduggery let the flame go out.

"We should expect more little presents like this one" Skulduggery said without turning to look at Valkyrie.

She frowned. "But it shouldn't be a problem, right?" she asked, "You can just repeat what you did"

"Probably not the wisest idea to rely on that technique"

Valkyrie closed her eyes. "Please tell me you didn't just guess what to do"

Skulduggery hesitated. "I had a theory"

"That's just a fancy word for a guess"

Skulduggery didn't reply as he began his slow ascent up the stairs. Valkyrie sighed and followed him.

The lobby was dark and dingy. At the end of the room it branched into two different hallways, both equally creepy Valkyrie decided. The chandelier tinkled slightly as Valkyrie closed the door behind her. The reception desk stood to the left-hand side and was empty apart from a large book and an old-fashioned desktop computer. A coffee mug also sat on the desk, steam slowly rising from it. The rest of the rectangular room was in darkness, but Valkyrie could make out a pair of worn-looking sofas that looked about as comfortable as a punch to the face directly opposite the reception desk.

"The coffee is still hot" Valkyrie said as she noticed the mug.

Skulduggery nodded as they both quickly crossed the room towards the desk. Valkyrie kept guard as Skulduggery quickly flicked through the pages of the book on the desk, until he came across the last used page. In surprisingly neat handwriting it read: Mr. Ravel room 208.

They started down the left hallway that was labeled: rooms 200-210. They encountered no more symbols, so in a matter of minutes they were outside room 208. Valkyrie pushed at the air, ripping the door off its hinges. Skulduggery's gun materialized in his hand, as he'd had to holster it to flick through the index quickly. Skulduggery swept into the room with Valkyrie on his heels. Fire burned in her right hand. Shadows coiled in her left. As they reached the centre of the very obviously empty room, a symbol flashed red on the far way. They didn't have time to react before the room exploded.

Valkyrie's ears were ringing as she stumbled out of the room. Ravel had obviously been expecting visitors, so he'd switched rooms to give himself time to get away. Skulduggery had enveloped both of them in a cocoon of air, but the explosion had still knocked all the air from her lungs. Just as she was beginning to sink slowly to the floor, leaning heavily on the corridor wall, the opposite room's door shot open and Ravel ran out, down the hallway towards the lobby and an exit. Before he'd even got 50 metres, Skulduggery stepped out of the destroyed room and lifted his gloved hand. Ravel collided with what seemed to the naked eye empty space, but Valkyrie knew how hard solidified air could be, and Ravel had just sprinted into a wall of the stuff. She felt no pity for him.

Slowly he turned around as fire flared in both his hands. He looked awful. His face that Valkyrie had once found so attractive was pale and sweaty. His beard needed a trim and his golden eyes that had broken so many hearts were full of desperation.

"Don't do this Skulduggery," He said. His voice, once full of confidence and laughter was now weak and frail. "I'm planning on going away, where I'll live alone and pay for my sins. You don't have to do this. They were my friends too!" He almost shouted the last part.

Skulduggery gestured and Ravel came hurtling towards him. When Ravel was close enough, Skulduggery swung and his elbow connected with the side of Ravel's head. Normally that would have been the end of the fight, but Ravel had once been a Dead Man. He twisted as he fell, and with a kick, he knocked Skulduggery's legs from under him. He got up on one knee and pushed at the air, causing Valkyrie, who had been running towards the fight, to collide with the wall she'd just been leaning on. Skulduggery maneuvered around on the floor and managed to wrap an arm around Ravel's throat and pull him backwards. Fear flashed in Ravel's eyes as he realised what was about to happen. Before Skulduggery could tighten the sleeper hold, Ravel fired an elbow into Skulduggery's ribs and threw his head backwards. Skulduggery howled as it connected with his face, his hat falling from his head. At some point in the confusion Skulduggery had lost his gun. Ravel rose shakily to his feet as a fist connected with his cheek. Valkyrie followed her training. She kept close, firing punches into Ravel's face and body. She ducked under a wildly thrown punch and started firing elbows instead. Fire flared in her face. Valkyrie blinked desperately trying to readjust her eyes to the dark once more, but a fist caught her in the side of the head- a lucky punch, and she went down.

Valkyrie observed the two men fight as she laid on the ground trying to kick-start her brain back into action. Skulduggery had managed to pin Ravel's arm and was now twisting it. Ravel roared as his arm broke, and pushed at the air with his good arm. The dislocated air hit Skulduggery's side and sent him flying into the near wall. Ravel fidgeted in his pocket as both Valkyrie and Skulduggery stood up and slowly advanced towards their target. With a triumphant look in his eyes, Ravel pulled out the hand grenade he'd had in his pocket. It took Valkyrie some time to notice it had no pin in it. Darkness burst from Skulduggery's chest and the world went dark as an explosion deafened Valkyrie once more.

Ravel was on his knees. Skulduggery had extended the bubble of darkness to envelop all three of them. Valkyrie slowly bent over, picked up Skulduggery's fallen gun and pointed it at the kneeling man. Ravel didn't notice. His attention was on Skulduggery, a look of pure confusion on his face. His broken arm held protectively by his side.

"I don't understand," he began "How did you do that? You're an elemental"

Skulduggery picked up his hat, brushed it off and carefully put it back on his head. He looked at his former friend for several seconds. He didn't bother replying as he gestured and his gun was torn from Valkyrie's hand. He caught it. He pointed it straight between those golden eyes. He pulled the trigger.


	4. Alice

Valkyrie's ears were still ringing from the gunshot as she sat quietly in the Bentley. Skullduggery was unusually quiet as they began their long trip back to Haggard. Valkyrie needed to go home. The ringing in her head grew louder. She had liked Ravel up until he had sheathed a knife in Ghastly Bespoke's back.

"He deserved it" Valkyrie thought to herself, but she couldn't even bring herself to believe it. She looked at her partner. He was wearing a pale but attractive face. The high cheekbones that were present on all of Skulduggery's faces suited it nicely and complimented his clearly marked jaw that was covered in stubble. Valkyrie could see dark hair under his hat, but the most remarkable feature were his brilliant green eyes positioned below thick eyebrows.

"That face suits you," said Valkyrie lamely, breaking the silence that had enveloped them since they had left the motel.

Skulduggery had obviously been deep in thought, as he took a while to respond. He took so long to reply, Valkyrie began to think he wouldn't.

"Does it?" Skulduggery replied absentmindedly. Without looking, he reached for Valkyrie's visor and turned it towards himself so that he could see his reflection in the small mirror embedded there. Taking his eyes off the road, he had a quick look at his reflection. Skulduggery swore loudly and slammed his foot on the brake. His fingers immediately dropped to the symbols drawn on his collarbone, the face melted away revealing his grinning skull. Valkyrie stared at the skeleton sitting next to her. Skulduggery was gripping the steering wheel with so much force it was in danger of being crushed.

After a few quiet moments, they resumed their journey. Valkyrie remained silent. After her last disastrous attempt at conversation she was perfectly fine with waiting until Skulduggery spoke.

"I should have known she wouldn't be able to resist," He finally said without turning to look at Valkyrie.

"I don't understand," Valkyrie began, unable to stop the flood of questions bursting from her mouth. "What happened? Who couldn't resist?"

Skulduggery finally turned to look at his partner. Valkyrie stared deeply into his hollow sockets where his eyes once were and could almost imagine those brilliant green eyes there.

"That was my face, Valkyrie" Skulduggery said quietly "My face before I died."

Skulduggery dropped Valkyrie off at home promising her he'd wait outside for as long as necessary. The rest of the journey had been miserably silent, and had only reinforced her need to go home. Valkyrie's ears were still ringing. She was certain it'd only gotten louder since Skulduggery's revelation. As she walked from the Bentley to her house she couldn't help but try and picture Skulduggery's face once more, but as she drew closer to the house her mind focused on the insane sceptre-wielding replica of herself dwelling inside. Valkyrie paused at the front door. She took a breath, released it and knocked loudly on the door.

She heard her own voice call out something that was unintelligible from outside, and after a few seconds the door was thrown open and Valkyrie was left staring at herself.

"You!" Stephanie said far too loudly, her hand automatically reaching for the Sceptre that was obviously not with her. "What are you doing here? What if mum and dad had been in?

The reflection calling Valkyrie's parents mum and dad only increased the ringing in her ears, and Valkyrie fought to remain calm.

"Look, I don't want to fight right now," Valkyrie said whilst trying to keep a pleasant look on her face, which was surprisingly difficult. "I just want to see Alice…Please," she added reluctantly.

Stephanie obviously hadn't expected Valkyrie to take this approach, and Valkyrie couldn't blame her. Whenever she'd imagined them meeting again there had been a lot more punching and name-calling. At a loss for words, Stephanie stepped aside in an unmistakable gesture that Valkyrie should enter.

"Where is she?" Valkyrie asked with a hint of longing in her voice.

"Upstairs in her room" Stephanie replied coolly. "I only just got her to sleep."

The two girls went upstairs. Valkyrie couldn't help but notice small details in the house that had changed since she had last visited, but she didn't let any of her shock and pain register on her face. She didn't want to give her reflection the satisfaction. Without bothering to look at her reflection, Valkyrie quietly entered Alice's room. She was much bigger than Valkyrie recalled, and she was sleeping peacefully. Her bed was directly opposite the door, meaning Valkyrie had to stand with her back to the door. Noticing the reflection hadn't followed her in, Valkyrie exited to room to find out why. She shot the sleeping figure of her sister one more quick glance and left the room, leaving the door open since she expected to return immediately.

"What are you doing?" Valkyrie asked quietly. The reflection now stood on the stair landing where Valkyrie had last seen her, but her hands were no longer empty. Glistening threateningly in Stephanie's right hand was the Sceptre.

"Just making sure you don't hurt anyone," the reflection replied casually.

"How dare you threaten me in my own home," Valkyrie snarled at her replica.

"This isn't you home anymore, Valkyrie" Stephanie spat the name like it was something dirty in her mouth.

Flames danced eagerly in Valkyrie's hand. The ringing in her ears had grown so loud she had barely heard Stephanie's words. Realising the effect her words had had on the girl standing before her, Stephanie quickly raised the Sceptre. Not fast enough. Valkyrie sent a gust air, pushing the Sceptre away. A streak of black lightning reduced a framed painting to dust. Suddenly the two girls were together, trading elbows and fists. Valkyrie's fist connected with her reflection's jaw, sending her sprawling and causing her to drop the Sceptre. Valkyrie knew she'd gotten lucky with that punch, as she closed the gap between them. She needed to end the fight quickly, the reflection had all the same training Valkyrie had and a super-powered mythical artifact that had to power to reduce anything to ash.

Not-surprisingly, the reflection hadn't waited patiently whilst Valkyrie had paused to think. She kicked Valkyrie hard in the knee. Valkyrie let out a suppressed scream. She knew her armoured clothes were the only reason she didn't have a broken kneecap. Valkyrie curled shadows in her hand, but in that instant, Alice let out a loud wail from her room and began to cry nosily. Valkyrie whipped around at the sound that had come from directly behind her. The door was still open and Valkyrie could see the outline of her sister in the dark room. The sound from the struggle had obviously woken her, Valkyrie thought above the loud ringing in her ears. She turned back to her reflection, but once more Stephanie hadn't waited patiently whilst Valkyrie had an internal monologue. The reflection was now standing with the Sceptre firmly in both hands, a menacing smile on her face, and the flashing tip pointed directly at Valkyrie.

The shadows in Valkyrie's hand acted instinctively. They wrapped around her and she shadow-walked into the doorway of her own room, safely out of the way. It all happened so fast, Stephanie didn't have to change her mind. One thought was all it took to send the deadly black lightning off on its path of destruction. Both girls watched as the lightning shot straight past where Valkyrie had been standing, disappearing through the open door of Alice's room. Immediately the crying stopped. The ringing in Valkyrie's ears was building, becoming unbearable. Valkyrie walked slowly towards the bedroom of her little sister, completely ignoring her reflection. She needn't have worried, Stephanie was standing there limply, a look of complete horror on her face and the Sceptre, forgotten, held loosely in her hand.

Valkyrie stumbled into the room. Her brain didn't work. She couldn't bring herself to think about how the reflection had attempted to murder her. Numbly, she hit the light switch. The ringing in her ears now blocked out everything else. The last thing she saw before her vision went black was the small mound of ash on her sister's now empty bed.

Skulduggery looked up suddenly. He had been leaning casually against the Bentley when the house exploded. He alone witnessed a figure dressed in black shoot off through the air, destroying everything in its path. Anyone that had been watching Skulduggery would have been able to see the look of shock and horror etched clearly on his façade, as he watched Darquesse carve a path of destruction, unmistakably in the direction of Dublin.


End file.
